Why we got gay married before our wedding

Why we got gay married before our wedding

On February 11th, 2017, my partner Constance and I decided to tie the knot. We have been engaged since last July and are in the midst of planning our wedding, so why did we get gay married early?

To friends and family who may be confused or concerned – yes we eloped and, yes, we’re still excited to celebrate with all of you at our giant family wedding in July.

Getting married early felt like something we needed to do. The current administration terrified us in the first few weeks. With executive orders being signed left and right, we wondered if our right to marriage would be next. All along we’ve heard liberal friends and family say that maybe nothing will happen. I’m here to say that is incredibly naive.

The platform which enabled our President to win was based on discrimination. With the election, those with internalized bigotry feel empowered to act out. In Texas, we’ve already passed a version of North Carolina’s bathroom bill, which forces Trans people to use the restroom of the gender on their birth certificate.

Constance and I are lucky that we are 1. gainfully employed, 2. have family and friends who love and support us, 3. are United States citizens.

This felt like a way to protect our relationship in the eyes of our government. I wouldn’t be surprised if other gay couples were doing this, too.

Are you apart of a gay couple who decided to get married in the face of our current president elect? Let me know in the comments below.

Traveling Together is the Absolute Worst

Traveling Together is the Absolute Worst

So I spent almost 5 months traveling with my significant other last year… and I’ve gotta say… it was so terrible. DO NOT do it, I repeat just don’t travel together with your partner! Just look at these pictures!

Let’s just start this off nice and easy. Your partner will document you on your road trips with a self stick… so dumb.

Next, when you take a bicycle cruise through Hoi An they’ll stop you in front of beautiful scenery to snap a picture. Lame.

They will capture you looking absolutely horrendous on a boat in Halong Bay, Vietnam.

Or at a restaurant in Hue giggling over something – probably SO stupid – that they said. 

And before you know it, they’ll want to take a selfie with you in front of the Kuangxi Waterfalls in Laos… which was SO embarrassing. 

And you’ll get smooches in all these famous places around the world… blah, blah, blah.

See?

You basically share food everywhere you go… which if you ask me is, like, SO annoying.

Terrible.

Because you’re spending all your time together everything they do becomes disgusting.

SO disgusting… I mean look at this face, this is not a handsome haircut in Thailand AT ALL.

They will document you documenting which is so repetitive and what a waste of a picture.

Like, WHY??? EW, zero fun being had.

And then they’ll FORCE YOU to take a picture of the worst bus ride of your life just to blackmail you later.

DITTO to terrible, COMPLETELY uncomfortable and NOT AT ALL romantic hotels.

And why do they always snap pics when you’re looking totally disheveled and not at all dreamy?

See what I mean????

NOTHING FUN EVER HAPPENS

IT IS SO BORING ALL THE TIME

And no matter how hard you try, you both just end up looking ridiculous.


Therefore, based on physical evidence as expressed by these photos, spare yourself a world of hurt and NEVER travel together with your significant other. You have been warned.

Lesbian Relationship Advice

Lesbian Relationship Advice

This is the twelfth installment of the blog series called “Insta Poll.” Included are follower’s ideas and comments in response to a weekly question! If you’d like to be involved, follow LEZ BACKPACK on Instagram!


How do lesbians keep their relationships going strong? After a year of ups and down with my partner, I waned to know how make sure we’re always going strong. Here’s the best lesbian relationship advice our followers had to suggest:

 

ninahjuberger

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“Be patient, hear her, make her smile and tell her she is your everything.”

wanderingwives


“Be on each other’s team”

grousewater

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“Especially in a long term relationship, have “checking in” type conversations every now and then about stuff within your relationship, not just when something is wrong. That way, issues don’t simmer and people don’t get resentful or feel like an issue is a sudden attack. Communication is key, y’all.”

mrs_abroscat

A photo posted by Mrs. Abroscat (@mrs_abroscat) on


“Be honest with yourself so you can be honest with your partner. A lot of strain in relationships is caused by mixed feelings and the resentment that builds from not meeting each other’s needs. Being honest about what you want and need from a partner and in a relationship will take you a long way.”

shiftingsun

A photo posted by Asjia Arvie (@shiftingsun) on


“Learn how to communicate with your partner. Love them the way they receive love, and don’t get comfortable in the relationship. Always show each other patience, respect, and kindness.”

melondelights


“”grass is greener where you water it”. Too often I’ve seen couples long for everything other than what’s in front of them. Every relationship is effort. The moment you stop trying its done. So continue to “date” and romance. if you fight, give each other your all to push through.”

doing_the_distance


“trust, friendship and talking, talking a lot about feelings and everything. Don’t keep it inside until you explode and fight”

tclay35

A photo posted by Teresa Clay (@tclay35) on


“We overlook the simple answer to being in a relationship… L❤VE!!!!… Simple and pure… You must be IN love.. Be IN love with… When you’re in love it’s just natural, it’s effortless, it’s breathtaking, it’s forgiving, it’s always IN the moment… Being IN love makes memories.. Simply being IN love…”

lesliehab

A photo posted by Leslie (@lesliehab) on


“I know Brené Brown is super trendy but I also think she’s right: be vulnerable! (Be open, honest, and willing to be uncomfortable.) That said… It’s easier said than done.”


Just loving this amazing advice from the people who know lesbian relationships the best. Have anything to add? Mention your lesbian relationship advice in the comments below!

Follow LEZ BACKPACK on Instagram to be apart of the next Insta Poll! 

Lesbian Quotes to Help Recover from Heartache

Lesbian Quotes to Help Recover from Heartache

This is year has been filled with so many incredible ups and downs. 

If you’ve been following me for awhile you know that last year, Constance I broke up after almost four years and international travel around the world. 

At 30, I thought I had my life figured out – and that scared the shit out of me. I really wanted to make SURE that I was exactly where I needed to be.

Through it all, I started creating little bits of inspiration for myself. I wanted to use these quotes as a way to mark the change I was going through.

Looking back, they were a great way to get creative and let out some sadness. (I used the app Word Swag to create the images below.) 

So why are these “lesbian quotes?” Because I’m a lesbian and sometimes I need inspiration, too. Writing these and having them here on this blog is a way to claim that my relationship is just as valid as anyone else’s.

These helped me to connect with myself on a more personal level. I hope that you find inspiration in these quotes or that you can at least find some comfort in them. 


 

Don’t forget it, you guys.

A photo posted by Melissa Langley (@lezbackpack) on

Until then, I’ll be grateful for each and every one of you. What are you thankful for today?

A photo posted by Melissa Langley (@lezbackpack) on

You don’t have to put yourself down to praise someone else. When we support each other & ourselves we all win. 💜

A photo posted by Melissa Langley (@lezbackpack) on

Good morning! 😘 Tag your better half!

A photo posted by Melissa Langley (@lezbackpack) on

Are Lesbians More Protective of their Relationships?

Are Lesbians More Protective of their Relationships?

This is the eleventh installment of the blog series called “Insta Poll.” Included are follower’s ideas and comments in response to a weekly question! If you’d like to be involved, follow LEZ BACKPACK on Instagram!


Do you think lesbian relationships are more protective than their heterosexual counterparts? Is it healthy, normal or irrational? Why or why not? Tell me your experiences, jealousies, confrontations… I want to hear it all!

 

kchrish85

A photo posted by @kchrish85 on

“As a queer single mother, I get to experience jealousy a bit differently. I get the feeling that because I had a kid the “old fashioned” way, that I an deemed untrustworthy (I do not identify as bi). My last relationship was skeptical of my friends of ANY gender, which I imagine must have been exhausting.”  

fifiaralia

A photo posted by Sofia Vee (@fifiaralia) on

“I think that in a lot of ways, yeah totally. Like we’ve fought hella hard to be seen, to be taken seriously, to be accepted, then to do this big scary thing where you allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone who has done the same. When you find and build that, the thought of that being taken away is pretty devastating. So yeah maybe dykes fight harder to hold on to those relationships because we’ve fought so damn hard to get there in the first place. I’m not only talking about romantic/sexual relationships either. Queer lady friendships are fucking revolutionary. I think the protectiveness can become irrational and unhealthy but it all comes form a place of deep hurt and fear and what can we do but do our damn best to sit with and honor that and work to move through it.”

katiejcullen

A photo posted by Katie Cullen (@katiejcullen) on

“Because the queer community is much smaller where I am than a typical heterosexual population, there tends to be a lot of hanging out in groups with my partner’s exes. In those situations, I would say I tend to be more protective. In general, though, I’ve found that there is a lot more trust between me and my partner and much less petty competition and judgement between myself and other women than what you often see among heterosexual girls.”

danni.turnip

A photo posted by Danni 🔮 (@danni.turnip) on

“Coming from a heterosexual marriage to coming out with children and falling in love with my beautiful partner, I can say i am extremely protective of my relationship in comparison. I feel queer relationships, for me anyways, require a lot more work since there as so many emotions there. I have never been a jealous person, yet now I get jealous of a lot of petty things. I have become extremely fragile and have shown more vulnerability with my lady than I have with anyone. And it comes naturally. I feel it’s healthy only if communication is frequent and honest. It’s obviously important to be able to share every insecurity and jealous part of you in order to work together towards a common goal. I am still learning to be able to be comfortable with myself during all of this, and comfortable opening up more than I ever have before. It’s been a whirlwind for sure, but I’ve never felt closer with anyone in my entire life.”

bean.like

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“I think every human is different. As much as we want to generalize everything – because that’s just how our brains work, we simplify as much as we can so we don’t get overwhelmed – it’s impossible. No relationship, whether it be through friendship or lovers or family, is secure. And every single brain interprets the world differently. For example, how I feel about my relationships, how secure I feel in them, can and probably is, interpreted and perceived differently from even those that I am in the relationship with. In other words, life is too complex to say any group of individuals sees relationships in a specific way, because it’s not a group dynamic. Your relationships are based solely on yourself and how you wish to interpret them. For example, a simple lack of communication for an extended period of time between me and someone I have a relationship with, causes me huge stresses, my mind goes to ‘this means they don’t love me’ or other things – there are things people fear that we aren’t aware of. Even if someone is straight doesn’t mean they don’t have the fear ‘because this person is a homosexual and I am not, they don’t like me’ . I say that only because I used to have that fear, felt I didn’t fit in with even my best friends’ other friends just because I was the only one in the group that didn’t identify with a title related to them. Though, I do not identify with anything, that in itself causes fear. I guess ultimately we let fear control how we feel about our relationships, and we shouldn’t. Love should never live in fear.”

nopeacefortheweary

A photo posted by Ling (@nopeacefortheweary) on

“I think a lot of our deeply rooted social behaviors as queer women tend to be more nurturing or protective, henceforth the stereotypical “U-Haul” tends to happen. It definitely can be extreme and unhealthy, however a lot of queer relationships make it as much as they don’t make it. In my own experiences I was with my ex for 3 years and she was extremely jealous of interactions I’d have with other people both female or male identified. So it was definitely hard and emotional at times because we were both clingy and needed each other for support because we came out of the closet during that time. There’s a lot of factors that had a lot of impact on why our relationship was the way it was (from cultural to me dating men before).”

travelnshit

“I think lesbians are more intense than their heterosexual counterparts. I have a habit of moving in with my girlfriend quite quickly. Lots of gay girls I know get married after a relatively short amount of time, or at the very least engaged. I don’t think it’s abnormal, not if a lot of us do it 😆 It’s not always healthy and it can make break ups last an age… my ex always used to say, “Gay men have sex and move on. Lesbians have sex and move in.” We moved in after 4 months.”


What do you think, readers? Are lesbian relationships validated in being more protective? Is just human nature in general?

Follow LEZ BACKPACK on Instagram to be apart of the next Insta Poll! 

The Best and the Worst of Lesbian Online Dating

The Best and the Worst of Lesbian Online Dating

This is the tenth installment of the blog series called “Insta Poll.” Included are follower’s ideas and comments in response to a weekly question! If you’d like to be involved, follow LEZ BACKPACK on Instagram!


As a new single lesbian, I’ve tried my hand at online dating. I really wondered what the experience was like for my followers? Have they had any luck with lesbian online dating? Here’s what they had to say:

hannahrhoslyn

“My current relationship started with her messaging me “hey cutie what’s up 😉 ” on OkCupid, haha. Two years later…. 🙂 complicated pickup lines online are way overrated.”  

travelingenie

 

A photo posted by Jeannie (@travelingenie) on

“Best: we ended up at a nude swimming hole in Vermont. We were surrounded by old men and their dongs. Super fitting for a lesbian first date. Worst: the girl talked to other people the whole time and then expected me to go home with her. I was like, nah.  

kranknomnom

A photo posted by kranknomnom (@kranknomnom) on


“When we did a first date over coffee and she quite literally ran away in the middle of me saying “we should do this again sometime.””

 

smalltownbean

A photo posted by *Ray (@smalltownbean) on

“WORST: I was chatting with a pro snowboarder from California for quite some time. She decided to come visit me in Canada and stayed with me for over a week. Things were great and we were having a lot of fun together. Things then took a turn when I found out she was dating a well known pro skateboarder who wasn’t too happy to hear about what was going on and instead of taking it out on her girl, decided to send me threats of violence which continued for years haha. BEST: I started talking to a girl through a guy friends FB status about Lana Del Rey. We added each other as friends and started sending novel messages to each other daily. This continued until we decided to go on a date which went incredible. I moved to the city to be closer to her and 4 years later we’re not dating anymore but I gained a best friend who knows me better than any other. Thanks Lana!!”
 

dopesontheroad

A photo posted by Meg Ten Eyck (@dopesontheroad) on

“I once went on a date with a girl who was so intimidated by my degree in methods that she kept saying “statistically” throughout the meal. Like “well statistically speaking people really like wine” ugh. Nope.

Butttttt I did meet my person online. My lovely Lindsay Cale”


I felt like I wasn’t the online one who has struggled with online dating! An maybe there’s hope for me out there! What are you lesbian online dating stories? Tell me in the comments below! 

Follow LEZ BACKPACK on Instagram to be apart of the next Insta Poll! 

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